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[IoBoI]

Sometimes others literally are. You know how men can be, constantly treating socialization like a competition, constantly feeling the need to shit on you for no reason. You’re right, everyone struggles to express love properly and if we all were emotionally omnipotent there wouldn’t be any struggling in the world. My issue is the toxic people around me who force their toxins onto me, it isn’t as bad as it was in school but, it just makes me so sad when everytime I just wanted a friend and a Good memory, it had to be social dogmas and gymnastics everytime and in every conversation. And bc I never wanted to play that game, I was viewed as weak, and as a result shunned by them. They would look at my school uniform that wasn’t bought from the school and at my shoes that weren’t brand name and as a result I was viewed as less, they see me sitting alone by myself month after month and they think it’s bc I’m just a shitty person when I’m reality, I’d rather rot alone and enjoy myself alone than play the constant game of being looked at as lesser. From girls to friends, just bc I was different and never wanted to play by society’s rules, it was obviously me that was the issue not the people consumed by drama, flower, and social dogmas. I’ve tried to be patient, all I ever wanted was to not feel alone and be accepted but to do so, I would have to manipulate women again, I would have do be angry and a dick to everyone constantly, I would have to play videogames and all that bullshit to be accepted by them.
Finding this site, idk, even before I figured a few things out here I KNEW I found a home a place where people didn’t yell at you for wanting to enjoy the arts and have intelligent conversation a place where I was accepted and I finally got told that it isn’t my fault I’m different and want to enjoy things in life like these but it’s society’s definition of what’s acceptable. I’m willing to forgive my friends who played this vile game their entire lives but i don’t want to based off the fact they’re liabilities and they’re just gonna slip up into that behavior again.
If it takes work and dedication to tame my anger for these people they will not put in the work and dedication to be decent to me and enjoy friendship the right way.

[Lannix]

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[IoBoI]

I have learned to calm myself and I have given you thanks in prayer or meditation. Yes I do practice it frequently, and I’ve cut toxic ties I just, wish I could have never had to have been this way to begin. I was always patient, but at that period things did fester. Reading from James helped me to learn control and be slow to wrath, I have already been helping others and myself live calmly and think deeply, I’m optimistic for the future again and I have no reason to complain anymore, I actually find a lot of fun in the labels and ideas ppl attempt to have about me, and now I hold an inarguable argument and a bridled tongue. A new peace