people and how we deal with things.

[QuestforEudaimonia]

Ahhhdvid... how my heart trembles with resonance upon reading your message & how tears from mine eyes soon followed. My father is a clinically diagnosed psychopath. Much of his emotional regard for others has been fabricated & perfected over the many years he's been alive. Only after several mistakes in judgement that led to severe consequences and loss did my father finally begin to become self-aware of how horribly dismissive, he was of his two sons and his wife who hung onto 35 years of a failing marriage due to one...broken man.

"why is it only inside of a plastic box that only he goes in that he feels comfortable to express the love he has for his OWN CHILDREN"

This is where I began sobbing. My father, while in jail, was asked by the correctional therapist "Is there anyone in your life you've ever loved?" And his written response was simply "No."

I think my answer to your question, although heartbreaking (I'm sorry) would be your father loves the idea of you. Just as my father loved the vision of the family he wanted, of the life he wanted, but was completely dissatisfied with the family & life he made. For my father's story, it was only after he lost everything that he felt regret and personal shame.

My friend, advid. I can feel the void in your heart left by a man who could only love you from a plastic box. But we can fill that void with love from other sources. Seeking reciprocation from a man who doesn't want to isn't a battle worth fighting. You are not your father, nor am I mine. We can't mend their broken souls or minds, but we what we can do is continue working on ourselves. Enough so that water nor fire can tarnish our golden wills.

Much love my friend. Seek that which you want within.

[QuestforEudaimonia]

I am so glad we connected & am thrilled to see that my methodology of accessing this site & navigating its labyrinth of information resonates with you!! As for your father, a man who subjected his child to kill animals in such a way, is (if he's not psychopathic) is pyschological torture. It would have to be extreme negligence of your development for a sane person to subject a child to engage in such a thing. Im not a psychiatrist but Id be quick personally to say our fathers are most likely very similar. Psychopathy often yields a completely apathetic soul.